Zombie Sigler hunts down Hutchins on quest for Immortality
Scott Sigler, NY Times Bestselling author of Contagious, is not all he might seem to be.
Recently lauded by the publishing industry for his Dark Overlord Publishing venture, it seems that Sigler might be a Dark Overlord already. A Dead Dark Overlord.
If my sources are to be trusted (and why wouldn’t they be?) Scott Sigler actually passed away almost two years ago of an undetermined necrotic disease, only to have been reanimated by James Melzer, the Canadian novelist otherwise known as The Zombie God. Melzer is purported to be keeping Sigler’s corpse warm and mobile, by inserting electrodes into his brain stem on a regular basis. This way he can keep the dead writer producing the fiction that his Junkie fans keep demanding, and in doing so fund the preservation of Sigler’s cadaver for as long as possible and lining Melzer’s pockets in the process.
You think this is a conspiracy? Look at the evidence:
Sigler’s most recent science-fiction/football mashup novel, The Rookie, and its associated Tailgate Tour are simply a means of keeping up the appearance that Sigler is in fact still alive and well, and not a slowly decomposing corpse fueled by a raging desire for fresh liver and tasty brains. According to my sources, including the lovely Lindsay Lohan, this shouldn’t have been too hard an illusion to create, as anyone who knew the man in real life will agree.
Washington DC-based investigator Art Blanchard is refusing to comment on the case, but has only said that they will be watching Sigler very closely as his Tailgate Tour takes him closer to Florida.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why the Sigler-Melzer Monster might be heading to Florida. Anyone familiar with the works of Florida-based 7th Son author JC Hutchins will know that you can’t make up stuff like Psy-Jack technology. The only reason a hardass like Blanchard will be on a case like this is because Melzer is driving Sigler into Florida to find Hutchins, so that they can Psy-Jack some poor Junkie’s body for Sigler to live a new life in.
So look out Junkies, or you might find yourself getting closer to Scott Sigler than you ever intended.
Of course, publicity like this is just the sort of bandwagon that dearly departed Calvin Hubbard ought to be jumping on if he wants to get back in the game anytime soon. Hubbard still hasn’t been seen or heard from since he disappeared from his LA apartment a few weeks ago. Maybe Sigler will find his body to take over, then he’ll be able to write AND sing while he devours the corpses of his fans.
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